


True Love Hurts

by orphan_account



Category: Big Time Rush
Genre: Angst, M/M, PTSD, implied suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-05-10
Updated: 2011-05-10
Packaged: 2017-12-06 10:56:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/734884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s been two years, two years since James’ life was changed forever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	True Love Hurts

**Author's Note:**

> Based on Ke$ha's 'The Harold Song'.

It’s been two years, two years since James’ life was changed forever. It’s something he thinks about every day, something that’s always at the forefront of his mind.

Even after all the time that has passed, James is still a shell of his former self. His eyes don’t sparkle the way they used to, his once well-toned physique sickly thin, sallow skin stretched over his bones.

He wishes he didn’t remember it all so vividly, wishes he could stop seeing the flash of lights from the car before it slammed into the passenger side of his own car. He wants to forget the sound of glass shattering, of metal bending and scraping together.

He remembers the blood, the pain, the sound of the helicopter overhead, the flashing lights from the police cars and fire trucks and ambulances.

The one part he remembers and wishes he could forget more than anything: the look on the doctor’s face when he walked into James’ hospital room, and the words that left his lips.

“Your friend didn’t make it.”

Everything in James died in that moment. Logan wasn’t just his friend. Logan was his best friend, his partner, his boyfriend, his life, his _everything_.

He remembers how he nodded numbly at the doctor’s words, how he refused to believe the words and demanded he be taken to see Logan.

He remembers seeing Logan’s broken and lifeless body on the gurney, the dried blood matted to his forehead, the way Logan’s body was pale, so, so pale.

He remembers the way Logan’s lips were cold against his own, and that was the breaking point for him. He collapsed to the floor, ignoring the twinges of pain running through him as he sat and cried.

It took Kendall and Carlos arriving to get him back to his hospital room and even there, he collapsed between the two of them, holding onto them for dear life as they all cried.

Nothing has been the same since that day; James refuses to do much of anything. It’s clear he’s more than depressed, but he refuses to seek help, and there’s not much Kendall and Carlos can do. Not even James’ parents can get through to him.

He spends his days in solitude, locked up in his bedroom with his knees drawn into his chest, arms wrapped tightly around them as he cries. It’s worse at night when it’s dark, when he swears he can still hear the sound of metal crunching and glass breaking.

It wasn’t this bad in the beginning; he used to go out, Kendall and Carlos by his side as they walked around the town, reminiscing about their fondest memories with Logan.

It was then that James started seeing Logan everywhere, and it drove him insane. He’d see someone with Logan’s eyes, or Logan’s smile, or Logan’s nose, and he’d hear Logan’s laugh, and he couldn’t deal with it, couldn’t force himself to see or hear that in people that weren’t his Logan.

James has everything of Logan’s, Logan’s clothes, all his medical books, his doctor’s instruments, everything. His apartment is kind of overrun with all of it, but it’s just him. Just him and the memories that kill him, that break him apart a little more every day.

He curls up in bed every night with a framed picture of him and Logan on their second anniversary, and he sings the same line softly, his voice rough and foreign.

_‘I would give it all to not be sleeping alone.’_

He sees Logan in his dreams sometimes, and Logan looks as handsome as ever, his perfect teeth gleaming as he smiles and says, “We’ll be together again soon, Jamie.”

They always end too soon for James, but he’s left with a faint smile on his face at seeing Logan, even if it’s in his dreams.

The day James sees Logan again for real, everything is right in his world, and when he kisses Logan, he hears Kendall and Carlos crying, but he doesn’t regret it, not for one second.

Because this, this is where he’s supposed to be, where he's meant to be, with Logan, always with Logan.


End file.
